Day 38: Hugs
As far as I can remember growing up we weren’t the touchy, huggy, affectionate type of family. My parents were firm disciplinarians. My mom would make sure we were fed but hugs were out of the question. It must have been the “Indian” way to not show “affection” but “strength”. Maybe hugs was considered a sign of weakness and kisses well, I can still hear my mom saying, you want to spread your germs around… when I hugged and kissed my nieces.
I’d like to believe that maybe by the time I came around, at number 7, my parents were just too exhausted for affection and caught up trying to provide for our basics and had no time for hugs and kisses. I remember whenever I say anything to mom, she’ll quickly retort, you know how many years you breastfed!
So when I became a father, I never actually thought that “hugs” were important, it never crossed my mind, especially with the first two. Sure I’d hug them once in awhile but more so I’d be playing with them, kissing them and hugging them at the same time. But never, just hugging them for hugs sake. If there was a hug, it probably be like a one handed one or a pat on the back… not a real strong 15 second one.
My youngest, Balraaj, has changed all of that. He’s the first person I know, who demands “hugs”! Yes, a hug fest. Hugs just for hugging sake. He’ll hold on to me for minutes on end and wrap his arms around me and just cling to my neck. It feels awesome to just hold him and feel his heart beat, his warmth, his tenderness and listen to his endless chit-chatter. I guess age does this to you?
But sometimes I wonder if he’s becoming too sensitive! The other day a grade 1 kid started laughing, after asking him his name on the bus. When Balraaj came home he was crying. (I would’ve smacked the kid, when I was a kid!)
I know Balraaj is doted on by all of us, but can too much love actually hinder a child’s independence? Make them too sensitive to what other’s think and not stand up for themselves?
Should I be doing something more to make him know his lineage and the sacrifice of his ancestors and that his name means “strong king” and he should wear it. More importantly, is there even a way to inculcate strength in a child and have them still be sensitive enough to do the right thing.
I love my boy to death. His hugs are the most precious, but I wonder if too much affection isn’t hurting him. What’s the balance?
I’m certain of one thing, that his hugs have brought warmth and tenderness into my heart. They are more precious than anything I’ve experienced because from him they are pure, innocent and just loving. I bend backwards for him.
Balraaj together we’ll make it through this journey and thank you for hugging me and I will love you always… but maybe I’ll have to be a bit more disciplinarian 😉
God Bless everyone and thank you for reading.
Cheers, Jas Jagpal